I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize