Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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