his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
