Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
