im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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