I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
