I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
