if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize