this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
