i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
