We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
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You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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