everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
