Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
