Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize