I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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