no, he came in my armpit
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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