that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize