the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
