Small penises have feelings too.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
