i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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