Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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