It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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