i already hear my dad disowning me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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