I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize