About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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