a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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