Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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