Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
