well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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