Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
