Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
