just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
