Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
