if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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