the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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