Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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