Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
