If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
