we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize