the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize