It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
