why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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