you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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