It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
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you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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