she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize