Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
