Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?