well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.