i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision