Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out