dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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