so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no you cant smoke seaweed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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