his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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